3.20.2007

Co-Ed vs Femme Racing

Activity Co-Ed Femme
Transits Discussions involve sexual innuendos and jokes Discussions involve careers, kids, home remodeling and cures for menopause
Starts Everyone yells ‘No Room’ loudly, repeatedly and indiscriminately Competitors are congratulated for their great start as they roll over you
Tacks & Gybes You notice you're tacking when you feel the heal of the boat changing You are prompted by a voice command “Get Ready to Tack/Gybe” ahead of time.
Mark Rounding Everyone yells ‘No Room’ loudly, repeatedly and indiscriminately Competitors are congratulated for their rounding as they slip inside of you.
Identifying Marks You never point at the mark as it will give your competitors who have been sailing around these same marks week after week, year after year, with the coordinates loaded in their GPS an unfair advantage over you. There is no need since you have been sailing around these marks for years, they are in your GPS and there are guys in chase boats at the mark waiting to watch you round it.
Men
They are on the boat w/you They are on chase boats watching you
Extra Weight Beer & Ice do not posses the properties of ‘excess weight’ Home-baked goodies, extra fleece and foul weather gear do not possess the properties of ‘excess weight’
Start Line Is of proper length The pin and the wing mark are in the same place
Crew Attire Crew shirts are men’s shirts and come in 2 sizes, L & XL Crew shirts are figure flattering and match the crew bikinis.
Pedicures Huh?? Is that some new, girlie micro-brew? It’s a known fact that boats sail faster when their crew’s toenails are painted the same color as the spinnaker.
Articulation of Commands Vague references to what needs to be done are repeated at increasing volumes and punctuated by curses until accomplished. Clear, concise, complete instructions are explained prior to every maneuver.
Spinnaker Flown on the hairy edge Flown on the hairy edge
Sportsmanship Every means of acquiring an advantage, including intimidation, are employed Competitors encourage & coach each other during the race
Sunscreen Everyone knows that men don’t need sunscreen Liberally applied before, during and after the race.
Aloe Liberally applied to the guys after the race. Reserved for the guys after the co-ed races.
Beer Helps the crew sail better and replaces lost fluids Makes you gain weight
Synergy The crew is one with the skipper The crew is one with the boat
Yelling Grows hair on your chest replacing what was lost on the head and therefore is a necessity Makes everyone nervous and is avoided.
Crew The crew is one with the skipper The crew is one with the boat
Bruises Egos Backsides & Forearms
Camaraderie You are expected to act an re-act like ‘one of the boys’ though they dream you would do this naked Respect and support are paramount.
Skipper Only a man is capable enough to handle this position There are no men so a woman does it
Cockpit Only men are strong enough to handle this position There are no men so a woman does it
Foredeck Only tall men are strong enough to handle this position There are no men so a woman does it
Tactician Only a man is intelligent enough for this position There are no men so a woman does it
Rail-Meat Cute chicks in bikinis are great for this position as they help keep the boat flat, show what a manly-man you are and distract you competitors. There are no men so a woman does it

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